21st of September
It feels weird to be so endlessly appreciated as I am here. Everywhere I look is a smile, even from those who seemed skeptical when I first arrived. Everyone is so polite with their deep bows and courteous greetings.
Not even the children lets me help them with even heavier tasks like carrying wood are big buckets of water. So far I haven't started teaching which means I don't have to do anything at all. Where even I enter there is always someone offering me their chair or a pillow. Often they bring me food or water even though I was on may way to the food queue, bowing before me with a big smile and holding out the a filled food plate. Then after dinner they take my plate again and wash it for me so that I don't need to queue for the water tap.
I never asked them to do this and did the first days try to stop them and do this by my own. I still try some of them times, but it's like I dishonor them but not letting them help me. I feel like such an outsider, like a tourist who doesn't understand anything but just goes where they point.
Everything is so different. My camera fills up pretty fast, and how the children love the camera. Still, this just adds up to my feeling of not belonging here, just being a tourist. There are so many things I don't understand, so many rituals I hide at the back during, trying to not make a fool out of myself.
I'm tremendously appreciated here, but I don't want that. I want to be understood.
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