Isolation

23rd of September

I've had a couple of reality shocks. Everything is so different, but even thou I don't mind different I find it really hard to withstand this life, even for my short period. How do I usually go by when no one needs me at the moment when I'm back at home? I usually contact a friend, watch a movie or some series, maybe play a game. What do I do when no one understands me? I might do some work, watch a movie or some series, maybe play a game. What do I do here? Nothing.

Sure I participate in all the ceremonies during the day, but after all those hours of chanting and praying I still got some hours left. With no one to talk to, nothing they need from me, nothing I understand. I've read my books, I might do it again. Trying to learn nepali will only help me when I can speak it, and I'm not sure I've got what it takes to learn it before I go insane.

Everything is so different, but I usually don't mind that. It's just the isolation that boosts that feeling of different, of not belonging. I thought I was better on my own, guess i was wrong.

There is a man from America coming to the monastery some day, I just don't know when. I'll try to talk to the manager of this place to get some info, but i will ask for a replacement as well, somewhere I don't have to take a 3 hour drive to get to a computer.

I feel awful that I'm this obsessed with staying in contact with people. I feel so spoiled. It just feels awful not being understood.